I’m very old and wise, you see
And NO, I’m not quite 13

I’m the best age there is
A proud 10 years old
But when that time of year comes
I find it impossible to be bold

Parties and reunions are but one side
Of this evil tradition’s tide

After the dinner on New Year’s eve
They tell all my siblings and me
To stage a performance
Where you sing and dance
And like babies prance

They even have a book that has
All the rules for the holiday
And before we eat our plum cake
Our performance starts, and heres what our relatives say

Aunt Martha forbids Jazz
Uncle Jerry wants no Razz

Grandpa Richard says there should be poems
Grandma Milly requires 5 hymns
Aunty Jill needs a choir
And Uncle James needs to include a briar

Pop-Pop wants no animal cruelty
Mama wants it like a movie
Cousin Maggy wants 30 songs
Brother Jack wants it to go on and on

Niece Nelly wants a pony
Nephew Nick wants greasy baloney
Godmother Jessy wants magic
Godfather Bob wants nothing to be tragic

And our reunions you see
We have at least 53
Family members coming along
Each singing their own demanding song